Sweat Pants in Public

For the past eleven days or so, I've been trying to think about how best to communicate really sad news, in an age of communication and TMI. Phone calls were too taxing, I start to cry when I talk about it. Emails are okay...but a "blast" email seemed inappropriate. I didn't want to include the news in a Christmas letter...posting in a little box on Facebook also seemed odd, but what to do? So, although the blog for two years has been our "happy place", today it is a sad place.

We found out about six weeks ago that the baby I was carrying had multiple birth defects and would likely not live to a full-term delivery. At an appointment on September 24, we discovered that the baby showed no signs of life and on Friday, September 25 I had a d&c procedure.

Telling Maren, who had been thrilled beyond words about being a big sister, has been one of the hardest things. But as Grandpa Jensen wisely said, the baby (a girl) is healed now that she is in heaven. We had a nice long cry together and she understood immediately when we said the baby was in heaven, saying "Now the baby won't come in the winter." And, after we assured her that she still had so many jobs, daughter, friend, cousin, niece, granddaughter...she asked for a snack and a drink (she is 3 1/2 after all. She has said something daily to show her soft heart, including telling me she is angry there is no one in my tummy).

We have been blessed with cards, emails, calls, meals and so many people praying for our healing, it's a bit overwhelming.

Which leads me to the sweat pants. As I was 18 weeks along, I had gained 20-25 pounds (who's counting at this point?)...and none of my clothes currently fit. I can't bear to wear my maternity clothes any more. And, next Monday (after having two weeks off to rest and try to recover) I need to return to work. What to do? What to wear?

For the past eleven days or so, I have been wearing sweat pants in public. That's all I've got that fits. Each day I think about the old "Seinfeld" episode where George, unemployed, wears sweat pants and Jerry says "If you're wearing sweat pants in public, you're telling the world you've given up."

At a follow-up appointment with my doctor yesterday, I wore my DeVos for Governor sweatshirt from 2006, no make-up, and my glasses and due to a surge in hormones, I couldn't stop crying. She offered to put me on an anti-depressant. I told John and he said "Well, Honey, you look a little bit homeless, no wonder she offered that."

Today, I hit rock bottom in the sweats department. Everything that looks remotely like "work out" clothes circa this decade is dirty, leaving me only one option, my sorority sweats that are from about 1988 or 1989. Why, you may be asking yourself, do I still own 20-year old plus sweats? My answer is that you were not blessed with the pack rat gene. Why WOULDN'T I own 21-year old sweats? Just because there are a couple of holes in the pants that could be delicately described as being on the "inner thigh"? It did make me think, as I cruised the aisles at Target this morning, looking for clothes that would fit my present size and not bankrupt me, that we were supposed to look our best when wearing our "letters", to put the best face forward for the sorority. Thankfully as I was not on a college campus, this thought was fleeting, but replaced by "I'm not sure I'm putting a good face forward as a human, much less a sorority girl (lady?)."

Our loss has been excruciating at every conceivable level, but we know how blessed we are to have one child when so many couples are unable to have or adopt a baby of their own. We remain focused on each other and on Maren and are moving forward, one day at a time.

As Winston Churchill wisely said "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Thanks from the Greggs for all of the love and support, from those near and far.

The Blockade

Maren Gregg continues her life of leisure this week with a few days in Farmington Hills at Bunny and Grandpa's house (school is closed this week).

Yesterday, she and Bunny made cupcakes, one of her favorite things to make and eat. At the pool in the afternoon, they visited with friend of Bunny's named Sue. Sue said to Maren, "I'll come over and have one (cupcake) with my coffee and you, Maren." Maren said "We're locking the door! "

Last night she said "If Sue comes over Grandma you put your back against the front door, Grandpa, you take the garage door and Uncle Jay take the sun room."

Maren is planning a blockade to save the cupcakes! Maren Gregg for Homeland Security Chief!

Tiny Dancer

Maren - making the most of Nana and Ampa's living room and the dining room at Panera Bread.

Cousins

The gals, having a great time this week goofing around and playing.

Palmetto Bluff and the May River

Yesterday they took a field trip off the island to a beautiful historic development called Palmetto Bluff. Only a portion of it is open to the public. Maren explored the ruins, but was disappointed that she couldn't climb on them. She also liked getting close to a (stuffed) fox as there are wild foxes all over the area.

Pool and Other Adventures

It's been so hot that they have been going to the pool after dinner, when it's still in the high 80's.

They've also been to the playground by the famous Harbour Town Lighthouse.

Beauty Parlor

Nana and Ampa gave Maren the wonderful present of a Disney Beauty Kit. She got right to work fixing John's hair.

Maren (and John's) Excellent Adventure

Maren and John have been on a fabulous vacation to steamy Hilton Head this week - without Mommy! That's okay, they needed some lovin' from Nana, Ampa, Aunt Jodi and Allison (who started Third Grade this week!) and Mommy needs to save her vacation for Christmastime.

They arrived on Sunday and got busy, with Maren having Ampa play sponge paddle tennis and Nana reading her "Beauty and the Beast." I gave fair warning that she might be doing this a lot, as of Wednesday, it had been read a minimum of 16 times, with Maren pointing out any words that Nana forgot.

The Pool! The Pool!

Last week Maren and John had fun at the pool a couple of times, due to John having some time off during the week (since he's had to work quite a bit on the weekends).

Two rounds of swimming lessons have really paid off. She is holding her breath, putting her head under and swimming farther and farther with not assistance. And loves "diving" for rings in the shallow section.

I think between the swimming and the strawberry smoothies at the snack bar, Maren would LIVE at the pool (we would, too).

The Sweeper

Maren has a bit of a cold...a cough that had us all up from 4:00-5:30 this morning, poor baby. We've had such a good run of good health! So, she and Daddy are cleaning up around the house a bit today.

Here she is, wearing her "sweeping glasses."