West Michigan in a Nutshell

This was given to John at work and too good not to post. It perfectly summarizes the pervading culture in West Michigan. And, it makes me laugh every time I read it. If you want to know anything about our neighbors...this describes them.

You Might Be a Dutch Calvinist If...

You finish the food on your plate in a restaurant even if it is burnt or otherwise unsuitable for human consumption.

You reuse plastic margarine containers long before anyone had heard of the environmental movement.

You have a two volume address book. Volume I: A-U & Volume II: V-Z

You’ve never skipped church to watch the Super Bowl.

Your main contribution in increased gender equality was the switch from King to Wilhemina brand peppermints.

Your range of restaurant choices is restricted by the contents of a “Buy One, Get One Free” coupon book that you purchased to support missionaries in Sierra Leone.

You wipe the last of the butter out of the container with your bun.

Your mother’s hairdo is the same at your wedding as it was at hers.

Your closet is divided into work clothes and Sunday clothes.

Your church attendance record is not disrupted by childbirth.

Your Sunday routine resembles: church, coffee, roast beef, jello salad, snooze, church

You have a front room but never sit in it.

All your cookies taste like almonds.

You make the bed in your motel room.

The last tip you left at a restaurant was “Don’t wear so much make-up” and “A little quicker with the coffee.”

You have always been to church on New Year’s Eve.

You can sing “eere zij God” even if you can’t speak Dutch.

You think that being progressive means discarding the hymnal in favor of songs on the overhead.

Seeing raised hands during worship causes you to look around for a stick-up man.

You are still trying to justify owning a dishwasher.

At your wedding everyone is swaying, but no one is dancing.

You attended worship services at a campground amphitheater.

You know what an afghan is.

You have lace on your windows, but not on your underwear.

Your two permanent Saturday jobs are to wash the car and make sure you have enough single bills for the offerings.

All of your recipes are adapted to fit a 9x13 pan.

You can’t imagine a funeral reception without ham on buns.

The usher never needs to ask you where you want to sit.